Trinetra

Yes you had to call her. Not once or twice or thrice but infinite times until the voice with which you call her is your purest and loud enough to reach the depths of your universe. I stood at Khandwa bus station waiting for the bus to Omkareshwar, one of the 12 Jyotirlingas (A Jyotirlinga is a special shrine where Lord Shiva is worshipped in the form of a fiery column of light). It is cold, I rub my hands, pick up my bag pack and step into the bus. I know little about the journey ahead, all I know is, to reach the destination I had to first understand myself.

As the bus moves through the roads surrounded with lush green fields, a breeze swifts inside to make Me sleep. I dream of a faint red light covered with stars rising in the air. What is it? Why is it rising in the air? In my dream I am anxious about the light but I am trying hard to contemplate too. I feels some force and wake up with a start. A small girl sitting beside me is pulling my shirt. Around 5 or 6 years of age, wearing a white frock, hair neatly tied in a pony. I smile at her.

“What do you want little girl?”

“I want to look out of the window too uncle”

I laughed a bit and replied “ Why not cutie, but don’t call me uncle, call me bhaiyya (brother)”

I lifted her up and placed her on my lap. Her small pony flew as the gush of wind touched her. It was early morning and the weather outside was really pleasant. She looked so excited.

“What’s your name little girl and where are your parents?”

She,still preoccupied with the scenic beauty outside replies after a few seconds, “ My name is Radha and my parents are sitting at the back”

I looked behind and a young couple sitting behind gave me a smile. The bus was already crowded now, pilgrims  from different places of different ages all travelling to one destination. 

“Uncle do you see that?”, says Radha pointing outside the window.

Pulling her hand inside I reply, “ take your hand inside Radha, it’s dangerous, and don’t call me uncle..Show what were you showing..” and I look outside. At around half a yard away a huge uprooted tree is seen. There is something magical though, several butterflies and small swallow birds are revolving around the roots of the tree.

“ what is that thing around which the birds and butterflies revolve”, by now the bus has passed the tree and moved much ahead. I tap Radha’s head and say, “ Those are the roots of the tree little girl”

“And what do the roots do? I have never seen roots.. I like the leaves on the branches, they are so green, also the trunk of the tree looks so strong”

I am now looking outside the window in some thought and then reply, “ Yes the roots are not green and beautiful in appearance. They are also not visible, but remember all visible things are not always important. The roots of the tree connect the tree to the earth, reach much beneath the soil and holds it tight. It thus provides strength to the tree in times of storms by remaining firm and connected to the depths of soil. Though not visible, it does the real work and we must never forget our roots Radha”

I am still looking outside the window feeling a sudden sense of contentment. She replies-“ you are going in the right direction my son”. I close my eyes. Wait. What. She called me son? I turn my head quickly towards her and I find no one sitting beside me. I look behind, the bus is almost empty with a just a handful of passengers and there are no signs of the girl’s parents. The conductor on the front seat, busy counting money rises up and announces, “Be ready passengers we are about to reach Omkareshwar”

The smell of sandalwood, the sounds of temple bells and the air of god’s abode. My heart is racing with excitement as I am able to hear from a distance the sounds of the waves of river Goddess Narmada. Pilgrims here and there, some buying Pooja thalis(plates) and some walking towards Narmada for the holy bath. I finally reach the banks. Ah! The water looks pristine. I keep my clothes and bag at a safe place and jump in the river. All my worries, my attachments detach from me, I feel light in the water. I feel myself and nothing else. Swimming a bit I stop after a while and enjoy the beauty of the sun shining it’s light, glimmering on the small waves of Ma Narmada. Joining hands, closing my eyes, pinching my nose, I take a dip inside. What do I sense? I sense something. It is as pure as the voice of the girl I had heard in the bus who once called me uncle and moments later called me son and vanished. Within those few seconds, completely immersed  in the water I open my eyes. It’s unclear and my vision hazy.I see a red light. The same light which I had dreamt of. I’m not able to see the details. There is some sparkles around it too but very unclear. I take my head up now above the water surface, the sun is shining. What was it? Why couldn’t I see it clearly. I join my hands again and ask my goddess to give me strength of character and the knowledge to be righteous. The bath is done and it is time for the Darshan of the Omkareshwar temple. Making my way out I realise that the crowd is increasing in numbers and I should be a bit fast. I get ready and begin walking on the bridge leading to the shrine, the view of the river from much above is more enthralling, it is said that from a much higher drone view the banks and the curvature form the shape of ॐ. From the bridge it is not completely visible but definitely a part of it can be recognised on close observation from the bridge too. It reminds me that sometimes we can’t see important things when we are too close and over indulged in ourselves, we need to take a pause , maybe take a step back and observe scenarios from a different perspective. 

Omkareshwar. The voices of the universe merging into oneness. My eyes are moist as I reach closer to the Shiva linga in the main temple area. Bowing down I chant Om Namah Shivay ( salutations to lord Shiva). The shiva linga is majestic. As if the centre of the energies of galaxies residing at one place. The darshan is done successfully and I feel ecstatic. Outside the temple I meet a Panditji(priest) chewing Paan. “ Bausaab(sir )you should perform the Abhishek too”, I was reluctant to perform any rituals but somehow I agreed. As he chanted Mantra’s and I poured ghee, milk, sandalwood, honey, flowers one by one on the mini shiva Linga I felt layer by layer my dimensions of soul were settling. As I focused all my energy on to the Shiva Linga I prayed for Bhakti bhaav( devotion) and freedom from anger and ego. After completion of the Pooja I thanked the Panditji. He says, “ My name is Vrindavan Dixit. The next time you come to Omkareshwar do give me a call”. I thank him again and make my way towards the bus station. My next aim is to visit Mahakaleshwar, the Jyotirlinga in Ujjain. I am reminded of  Respected Swami Pranavananda of Indore and I decide to stop at Indore first in his Ashram to take his blessings. In afternoon I find sometime to discover the streets of Indore. During the walk in my fascination I discover a place called “Rasgulla House”, where they sell the famous Bengali sweet Rasgulla. It feels as If I was Charlie and I was in a chocolate factory. My hunger to eat is over but my hunger to seek answers is still existant so In the evening I visit Swamiji personally and ask him my questions-

“Swamiji. I am facing many hardships lately. Please guide me”

“ Hardships are important. They shape you, sharpen you, sculpt your personality ..”

I listen to him with rapt attention

“ If a man lands up in comfort zone he won’t be able to achieve anything in life. Hardships and challenges test his character and inner strength. More than a test it should be viewed as a personal development process, through which you emerge stronger. If your beliefs are strong and your will power is like hard rock, then hardships come and go and you emerge with a magical light of god’s brilliance. So remember hardships are important”. Swamiji’s eyes have a particular shine, for a fraction of a second I see the same red light there and it is lost again.

I touch Swamiji’s feet as a mark of respect. With his blessings and the light of knowledge I proceed in my journey towards Mahakaleshwar, Ujjain.

A crowd of hundreds, amidst them, I walk in the vibrance of the Ujjain Mahakaleshwar. People chanting the Mahamritunjay Mantra loudly, some speakers playing devotional music of Shiva, birds chirping and singing as if worshiping in their own ways. The temple complex of Mahakaleshwar is much bigger and there are various smaller temples around. In my elation gradually I find myself in the main temple area. The majestic appeal of the Shiva Linga makes one speechless. Why was I there? What had brought me to Mahakaleshwar. For the first time I talk to the Shiva Linga

“God why am I here? Do you listen my voice” I close my eyes. A Diya near the Shiva Linga illuminates the same red light. I hear a voice. A faint one . Echoing not now but from a million years it seems.

“You are here because I called you and you called me with all your heart. You are here because you came looking for your own reality. Yes I listen to you every second. Your problems, your happiness, tales of your achievements, tales of your defeat, your cries, your anxious thoughts, each and everything, but I want to ask you, do you listen me?”

I opened my eyes, the Shiva Linga there fixed. Yes I am listening him he wants to say me something. I hear that he wants me to reach him as much as I want to.

It’s midnight. I take a train to Uttar Pradesh, my last destination is the Kashi Vishwanath temple in Varanasi. Throughout the train journey I keep wondering of the mysterious red light. I dream of it again, I dream of climbing certain steps to reach that light. I reach Varanasi the next day in the afternoon. The vibe of Varanasi is completely different. Travellers not only from India but all around the world are seen, huge number of people outside food hubs like the Kashi chaat bhandar, people talking about politics in playful moods, children in school uniforms having fun around, pandits proceeding towards River Goddess Ganga, a general divinity in the air. When I finally reach the Kashi Vishwanath temple I am unable to stop my tears. My tears surpassing emotions of pain, surpassing my quest for seeking answer, surpassing all the worldly things reach a single point, I want to surrender to her. The same red light appears again, this time from the centre of the Shiva Linga just like the third eye of lord Shiva. It surprisingly does not disappear. I bow before The Kashi Vishwanath Shiva Linga and begin following the light. It leads me outside the temple. I don’t understand why other people are not able to see it. I keep following it through the crowded streets. In the mesmerising mood I don’t understand when I reach on the banks of river Ganga. I sit on a boat boarded by pilgrims. The light shines over the river. On the banks of the river The famous Ganga Aarti begins. The devotional music is enchanting. I look for the red light on the water surface. Very gradually and steadily it begins to take form.

Fair skin wrapped in a red saree. Sitting majestically on a lion. Holding swords and a trident. The red light shines bright, but she shines brighter in between the red light. Everything is smoky but her brilliance  in the middle is Crystal clear. She rises from the water surface up in the sky. Stars surround her. Steps appear from my boat which lead the way up to her. As I climb the step, I no more remain an adult, I transform into the body of a child, the age of innocence where I know nothing. Slowly step by step, the child reaches his mother in the sky. He begins running in the end even falling sometimes on the steps. As he finally reaches her, she spread her arms and he in his madness falls on her feet, crying and asking her that where had she gone. She says that she was always with him. She says that a child and mother are inseparable, because at the end they are not two, but one.