Kali and Kalicharan-1

 

I have seen Ma Kali, yes I really have, I see her everyday, every hour, every minute, every second! She sits with me, talks to me, hears my stories of daily hustles, gives me encouraging words, wipes my tears too and she also sings me a lullaby taking me in her lap where I fall asleep.

Oh! I told you about my Ma Kali but I completely forgot to tell you about myself! Hi, My name is Kalicharan, I’m a resident of Mumbai and a final year medical student, currently writing from my hostel room with Ma Kali by my side.You will know more about me as the story progresses, but the purpose of this series is not to write about me, it is to write about my relationship with Ma Kali. As I’m writing this line she is smiling looking at me, my Ma Kali.

How did I first meet her? Well..I was walking back to my hostel room from my college library at midnight. The night was magical and there was a divine silence on the road. I have this habit of reviewing all the events of the day at night and I was doing the same. That day I gave some deeper thought and realised that instead of reviewing events, I should review my actions…which later got modified to reviewing what led to my actions..which later got modified to reviewing my own self.

That same night as my footsteps became slower I realised that there was something known as ego, lust, anger and greed deep rooted within me. Was I all these? Lost in thought It was then that I bumped into a lady. She must be in her 40’s. A few hair strands greyish others jet black, misty eyes, serene face, fair complexion, lanky built, dressed in a simple Indian suit, carrying a water bottle in her hand.

“I’m sorry mam I didn’t see you”

“Oh it’s alright dear..you did see me but in your mind you were stuck somewhere”, she smiled saying this, her voice was deep.

I was a bit perplexed and there was some level of fascination I instantly developed for the aura she carried and for the words she had just uttered.

“Never seen you in the campus before mam, you are new here?”

“New? No..I was always there..”

Her misty eyes started glittering now and I was captivated.

“Oh…”, I said in an absent minded way.

“Is there water in your hostel’s water cooler? In our quarters it’s over!”

“Yes. Please give me your bottle I’ll get it for you”

The lady handled me the bottle and I rushed to my hostel. I filled water in her bottle and started walking back to the spot where I had met her, near my college. It was getting colder and I was  surprised to see some fog too, amidst which the lady stood with her calm demeanour.

With every step towards her my feet felt heavier. The intensity of fog increased further and the lady was less visible now. What was happening? There were no students seen around now, the stars twinkled, the moon glimmered, the cold increased. I looked at my hands which had started to shiver but what was more surprising was the fact that the bottle in my hand had transformed into a golden vessel filled with water drops which appeared to be like crystals. I had understood one thing by now, this lady wasn’t a normal person, she was carrying some celestial energies within her.

I called her from a distance as I was reluctant to go near her, “Who are you?”

“If you won’t come near me then how will you know the answer?”

“I can’t…my feet feel very heavy”

“It isn’t your feet young boy…it is your soul..it is carrying the stupid weight of all those things”

“What things?”, my eyes were moist now.

“The same you were thinking..’ego, lust, anger, greed’. Remember ?”

“ Yes! But who are you and why are you here?”

“ See to know me you have to drop that weight you are carrying.”

There was silence. No one spoke. The magical night watched in awe.

She spoke, “ I have appeared in the first place just because you have accepted that you in your madness imbibed those wrong traits..and that is a good thing child. It requires courage to accept one’s flaws. To really know me you have to understand that these traits don’t really belong to you, they aren’t your real identity, to really know me you have to first know yourself child!”

I fell on my feet, the golden pot still in my hands. I couldn’t stop my tears. I was 23 but I wanted to cry like a child, as she was calling me a ‘child’ as if I were her real son. Thus I cried..I cried like a child. My tears didn’t stop. While shedding those tears I realised that deep down there existed a purity, which was the true me, which was away from the worldly desires and attachments, which was so close to her, but who was she?

My tears had blurred my vision. I wiped them using my other hand. To my astonishment, the lady had transformed into a white stone, just like a Shiva Linga. I tried to get up and walk towards her, and I don’t know how but I managed doing that with ease now, my feet(or my soul?) no more felt heavy.. The stone wasn’t a Shiva Linga though it looked like one. I would call it a “Shakti-Stambh”(Power-Pillar).Milky white in colour, emitting brilliance. I knew what I had to do with the water in my hand. I closed my eyes and focused all my energy onto the part of my soul which I felt was detached from the world and connected to the divine,  letting the water drops fall on the Shakti Stambh. As I opened my eyes the Shakti Stambh had shrunk into a small golden locket, the stone in the middle had the same milky white colour. I touched it. It felt frosty cold, I touched my head onto it and then wore it. The moment the stone touched my chest, I felt something huge hit my chest and I collapsed.

Moments later I found myself on the bed of my hostel room. I got up and started thinking about the events that took place outside my college premises. Was it a dream? No! It can’t be.. I walked to my study table and sat on my chair. I drank some water. I felt less anxious now. It must be a dream I thought and I kept my hand on my chest. My chest was way cooler than my other body parts. I looked at my bed next and there she was sitting with her smiling face, as she is sitting now.

“It wasn’t a dream Kalicharan!” , she said with slight mischief in her voice.

I was taken aback and almost fell from my chair. She had the same facial features of the lady I had met before but something was different. Her complexion was dark now. Her eyes rather than being misty were fierce now as if a fire burning within, her suit was gone, she was wearing a girdle of human arms, she had four hands one of which held a decapitated head, there was also a necklace of decapitated heads in her neck. Her hair was open and her toungue was long and outside her mouth.She was none other than the Shakti Swaroop herself, the creator of life, the destroyer of evil, the embodiment of courage, purity and Light, she was Ma Kali, my Ma Kali.

I immediately touched her feet. I was hers and she was mine now. I was a part of the world in the eyes of the world, little did the world know that in reality I was her part, her inseparable part now. I didn’t need anything now, no worldly pleasures, no relations, no money. I was in her abode now, all my actions were directed towards her now, no worldly thing could give me the contentment which I experienced when I touched her feet.…and that is how I first met her dear readers. From that day we have developed a beautiful relation, I sometimes don’t understand whether I’m her devotee or her son or her student or her friend. I don’t think this relationship has some name, some relationships don’t have names, ours in such. I share everything with her and she gives her views and guidance to me in the form of blessings. In simple words Kalicharan has surrendered himself at Kali’s feet. I think I have written enough for today, Ma Kali is calling me now it’s time for her Pooja, you see today is the first day of Navratri. I’m very happy today because it is her special day. I’ll go now, will meet you all soon with another story of Ma Kali and Me. Jai Ma Kali.