Nirmal's Impression

Was there any impression at the time of birth? Yes. Now which birth are we talking about? The first one or the many that followed? Which impression are we talking about? The ones which kept on getting added or the one which existed throughout- unshaken, unparalleled,undiminished.

Nirmal smiled looking at his gloves which were painted with blood. He removed  and threw them in the red dustbin and made his way out of the operation room. Everyday he removed his gloves with a smile , the same routine followed and he lived every day as if it was a new one, every operated case as a new one, as if every day was his first surgery ,his smile remained constant. Although sometimes tears rolled down his cheeks on his way back from the hospital.

Impression and impressions. Work mates, family, skill. He remained in the centre..in the centre, yet his axis rested somewhere else, far away in a galaxy of petals..petals of his tears. This lens saw him naked and raw. Did he question his actions? Yes. Was he critical of himself? Yes, maybe too harsh at times. During those moments "conscience" became his constant mate, and he simply chose to act upon it- thus killing his anxiety. In his galaxy of petals he tried to give a rose each to his family, work mates and his skill - even when his hands trembled.

He loved his girl. He loved his family. He loved his hospital. Do impressions create expectations? Well.. They do. But the very "will" to act upon these expectations was always in Nirmals hands. Thus he wore gloves in his hands and did his surgeries when expectations tried to overpower his emotions . Afterall he was a human, and even he needed escapes, anyways those gloves could be removed!

Yet there were times when he could not wear his gloves - the silent nights. Nirmal found a solution for them too. He played Hanz zimmer's Interstellar soundtrack on his laptop and travelled to his galaxy of petals. There he would sometimes contemplate and call Ma Durga to sing lullabies for him. She was always there. Eternally. He had to call him though, for while calling her, he used to discover the omnipresent impression within him.

When she would arrive they would sail together in a small boat, his head rested in her lap. How tired he was at times. The starry riverbead would weave the mother son duo blankets of warmth..in the cold galaxy. With every hymn of Ma Durga- Nirmal's eyes moved back and forth underneath his closed eyelids. These impressions did not change the outside world, but instead they prepared him to leave positive impressions on the canvas of society.

Thus every morning he walked with Ma Durga's light in his eyes. Every morning was a new birth, a new beginning, a new impression on his family, his girl, his patients. Was he perfect? No. Was the world perfect? No ...But there he was, his actions and intent under his control..There he was in a quest to be more pristine- Nirmal.